Today my Mom, Dad, Katie, and Brett are at work and Eric is in bed and I am left alone with my musings. I had a really great time with Brett yesterday. I went Christmas shopping and out to dinner with him. We drove down to Salt Lake and all around. We had a lot of really good conversations. I sure do love that brother of mine. He may have faults but he has such a good heart and I love him for it.
One of our conversations centered on forgiveness. As I've been pondering the things that I said I realize that I am not very good at the things that I preach. I, too, need to forgive some individuals. It is easy to pretend like I have forgiven but the more I've thought about it today, the more that I realized I haven't.
So, I've been studying about it. I read a book about a year ago entitled The Peacegiver. It is a fantastic book and I learned a lot from it. One of the primary points made in the book is about the commandment to forgive. It has made me think and caused me to reconsider my understanding of the principle of forgiveness. I learned that we are commanded to forgive Christ. He has already payed the price for the person who sinned against us. And that price is sufficient. It is infinite and perfect. And if it is not, then it is not sufficient to forgive me my sins. That is why we are required to forgive all people as a prerequisite for our own individual forgiveness. The same Atonement that redeems me has also redeemed the people who wrong me. By saying to Christ that His suffering is insufficient, that I want more (which is essentially what I say when I do not forgive), I preclude myself from the forgiveness wrought by the same Atonement. This is why the Lord says, "Wherefore I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." (Doctrine and Covenants 64:9-10)
Thus, the commandment to forgive becomes less about forgiveness and more of an invitation to take part in the Atonement of Christ.
And yet, though I understand this principle conceptually, actually implementing it is another story. But I'm working on it. Anyhow, that's what I've been thinking about today. Hope you all have a Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Revelation
I've been thinking a lot about revelation and receiving guidance from the Spirit. And I'm procrastinating studying for a test so I think I'll blog about it :).
I know that prayers are answered how they should be but sometimes it would be nice to get direction instead of just support. It makes logical sense that an answer of 'I love you Kristen. You will make it through this. Do the best you can and you will figure it out.' helps me to grow more individually than a 'you should...' answer. But it would be nice to get direct guidance once in a while. It just doesn't seem that the Lord really works that way for me. I think He does for others. It's also highly possible that I just don't really understand how the Spirit works. Learning how the Spirit speaks seems to be a life long lesson for me.
As a missionary, my mission president (President Bracha) would give us different topics to emphasize in our study every six weeks. During this six weeks we would have a conference where he spoke to us on the topic we'd been studying. On one occasion President Bracha had us study revelation. He asked each missionary to find a scripture that represented how Heavenly Father speaks to them. I struggled with this assignment. I was, at the time, training my second new missionary. I had been out for well over a year. I felt like I should understand the process of revelation much better than I did. During interviews, and before the conference, President Bracha asked me to describe how my revelation had increased since studying this topic, or something to that effect. I answered honestly, hesitantly revealing that I wasn't sure that I had ever really received revelation as a missionary. He told me that he hoped during the conference I would come to understand that I do receive revelation.
I still struggled with the assignment. No scripture seemed to fit. I studied and read and couldn't find anything that seemed right. We were to share these scriptures with each other during the conference. We got to the conference and I still didn't have one that felt right. As the missionaries began to share their scriptures one of them shared a scripture from Doctrine and Covenants section 6. While he was reading my eye went to a different scripture. The Lord, in this section, is speaking to Oliver Cowdery - an early church leader. The Lord says in verse 14, "Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast ainquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time." I immediately felt the Spirit confirm that I also fell in this category. The Spirit was speaking to me and I was following. If it had not been so, I would not be in the place that I was then.
This was an important lesson for me to learn. It is not necessary for me to be instructed in every matter. In fact, such instruction would be counter-productive to my progression as an individual. I have a good head on my shoulders, I know the commandments of God, and with those tools I can work through just about any problem that is placed in front of me. Sometimes I may want and seek actual direction in my life. I have found that, for me, it is not given often. And I think that is the way that it is supposed to be.
Anyway, I better get back to studying. I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the gradual progression. I really do feel like life is making me into a better person. I know that progression is only due to the Atonement of Christ. I'm grateful to go through hard things that make me want to change and be better. It's not fun but I know it's good.
Well, that's what I've been thinking. I'm not even proof reading this so sorry if it doesn't make sense at all. :)
I know that prayers are answered how they should be but sometimes it would be nice to get direction instead of just support. It makes logical sense that an answer of 'I love you Kristen. You will make it through this. Do the best you can and you will figure it out.' helps me to grow more individually than a 'you should...' answer. But it would be nice to get direct guidance once in a while. It just doesn't seem that the Lord really works that way for me. I think He does for others. It's also highly possible that I just don't really understand how the Spirit works. Learning how the Spirit speaks seems to be a life long lesson for me.
As a missionary, my mission president (President Bracha) would give us different topics to emphasize in our study every six weeks. During this six weeks we would have a conference where he spoke to us on the topic we'd been studying. On one occasion President Bracha had us study revelation. He asked each missionary to find a scripture that represented how Heavenly Father speaks to them. I struggled with this assignment. I was, at the time, training my second new missionary. I had been out for well over a year. I felt like I should understand the process of revelation much better than I did. During interviews, and before the conference, President Bracha asked me to describe how my revelation had increased since studying this topic, or something to that effect. I answered honestly, hesitantly revealing that I wasn't sure that I had ever really received revelation as a missionary. He told me that he hoped during the conference I would come to understand that I do receive revelation.
I still struggled with the assignment. No scripture seemed to fit. I studied and read and couldn't find anything that seemed right. We were to share these scriptures with each other during the conference. We got to the conference and I still didn't have one that felt right. As the missionaries began to share their scriptures one of them shared a scripture from Doctrine and Covenants section 6. While he was reading my eye went to a different scripture. The Lord, in this section, is speaking to Oliver Cowdery - an early church leader. The Lord says in verse 14, "Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast ainquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time." I immediately felt the Spirit confirm that I also fell in this category. The Spirit was speaking to me and I was following. If it had not been so, I would not be in the place that I was then.
This was an important lesson for me to learn. It is not necessary for me to be instructed in every matter. In fact, such instruction would be counter-productive to my progression as an individual. I have a good head on my shoulders, I know the commandments of God, and with those tools I can work through just about any problem that is placed in front of me. Sometimes I may want and seek actual direction in my life. I have found that, for me, it is not given often. And I think that is the way that it is supposed to be.
Anyway, I better get back to studying. I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the gradual progression. I really do feel like life is making me into a better person. I know that progression is only due to the Atonement of Christ. I'm grateful to go through hard things that make me want to change and be better. It's not fun but I know it's good.
Well, that's what I've been thinking. I'm not even proof reading this so sorry if it doesn't make sense at all. :)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I am a Relief Society teacher (women's organization) in my ward. I am really grateful for this calling. I am teaching today about the doctrine of baptism. This is not a doctrine which I have thought about in much depth recently. I don't even think before today I really had a spiritual witness of the covenants that I made the day that I was baptized. I am so grateful for the Spirit. That it teaches line upon line and precept upon precept. I am grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. I know that He stands at it's head. I am grateful for the Priesthood which my father holds. With the authority, which traces directly back to Jesus Christ, that it gives him he was able to baptize me in the name of Jesus Christ. I didn't fully understand the covenants that I was making that day. I'm not sure that I still fully understand them. But I was struck today as I prepared for this lesson by the beauty of the pure doctrine of Christ. I love the Book of Mormon scripture Mosiah 5:8-9:
"And under this head ye are made free, and there is no other head whereby ye can be made free. There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh; therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ, all you that have entered into the covenant with God that ye should be obedient unto the end of your lives. And it shall come to pass that whosoever doeth this shall be found at the right hand of God, for he shall know the name by which he is called; for he shall be called by the name of Christ."
When I read this I feel like the people of Alma who clapped their hands for joy at the thought of taking upon them the name of Christ. It also reminds me of a scripture a little later on in the book of Mosiah. Mosiah 26:18 reads, "Yea, blessed is this people who are willing to bear my name; for in my name shall they be called; and they are mine." How blessed I am to know have taken on the name of Jesus Christ. I hope that I can be true the the name by which I am called. I am so grateful that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored in it's fullness. I know that it is true. Like most things which are true, it is simple and beautiful. How grateful I am for it.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
You've got a friend in me :)
I can't think of anything much worse than losing a friend. Well, that's not really true. I guess there are lots of things worse than losing a friend. Like genocide and people starving to death. So, I guess what I mean is, I don't think that I've dealt with many things that are harder than having a close friend decide that they don't want to be a part of your life anymore. I know that makes it sound like I haven't gone through much. I probably haven't and I'm okay with that :).
I've just been thinking about friendship a lot lately. About times that I've let people down and times that I've been let down. The more that I think about it the more I realize that people aren't perfect. We let each other down. We say and think things that we shouldn't. And yet, if we limited our friendships only to those people who were perfect friends we wouldn't have any at all. My new goal is to be a more tolerant friend. Someone who is more charitable. And I can only hope for charity in return. Because I am one of the most flawed people I know. I am constantly making mistakes. And if I make so many mistakes how can I expect others not to?
On a lighter note, I hate baking. It's true. With cooking I can just throw caution to the wind. Throw in a little of this and a little of that and it is always delicious. Tried that with baking today... Not so successful. Anyone want some gross pumpkin chocolate chip cookies?
I've just been thinking about friendship a lot lately. About times that I've let people down and times that I've been let down. The more that I think about it the more I realize that people aren't perfect. We let each other down. We say and think things that we shouldn't. And yet, if we limited our friendships only to those people who were perfect friends we wouldn't have any at all. My new goal is to be a more tolerant friend. Someone who is more charitable. And I can only hope for charity in return. Because I am one of the most flawed people I know. I am constantly making mistakes. And if I make so many mistakes how can I expect others not to?
On a lighter note, I hate baking. It's true. With cooking I can just throw caution to the wind. Throw in a little of this and a little of that and it is always delicious. Tried that with baking today... Not so successful. Anyone want some gross pumpkin chocolate chip cookies?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Science is Sexy
"Science moves with the spirit of an adventure characterized both by youthful arrogance and by the belief that truth, once found, would be simple as well as pretty." --James D. Watson
A friend posted this video, produced by Harvard grad students, on her facebook wall. It's a movie that I've seen at least ten times. And each time I see it I am amazed and awed by the complexity and beauty of life. Our bodies are incredible. I love science so much. I don't fully understand the whole process but I'll give you a little narrative.
The movie details the process of diapedesis, or the traversal of a white blood cell across the blood vessel wall into the tissue in response to infection. White blood cells roll across the blood vessel. When an infection or cellular injury happens cytokines are secreted which are sensed by the rolling cell. The cytokines cause changes within the cell. These changes result in gene transcription into mRNA, translation into protein, and shipment to the cell membrane where they are inserted. The inserted receptors cause the cell to slow down and slip through the junction between cells in the blood vessel allowing the white blood cell to get out and fight the bad guys. Science is beautiful!
A friend posted this video, produced by Harvard grad students, on her facebook wall. It's a movie that I've seen at least ten times. And each time I see it I am amazed and awed by the complexity and beauty of life. Our bodies are incredible. I love science so much. I don't fully understand the whole process but I'll give you a little narrative.
The movie details the process of diapedesis, or the traversal of a white blood cell across the blood vessel wall into the tissue in response to infection. White blood cells roll across the blood vessel. When an infection or cellular injury happens cytokines are secreted which are sensed by the rolling cell. The cytokines cause changes within the cell. These changes result in gene transcription into mRNA, translation into protein, and shipment to the cell membrane where they are inserted. The inserted receptors cause the cell to slow down and slip through the junction between cells in the blood vessel allowing the white blood cell to get out and fight the bad guys. Science is beautiful!
Monday, November 8, 2010
What you call love...
Another thing I think a lot about... relationships :). But don't worry, this is a completely philosophical post. Guster's new album has a song entitled "What you call love." The lyrics are poignant to me:
What you call love, is just urgency
What you call love is a place to turn in an emergency
Would you give up when its not what you want it to be?
But thats not love, what you call love
What you call love is a place to turn in an emergency
Would you give up when its not what you want it to be?
But thats not love, what you call love
I like the song a lot. Over the past year I have thought a lot about relationships, particularly of the romantic variety. And I've decided, with some help from others, that we put too much stock in the Hollywood 'Californication' of marriage. (Look at me and my song references :). I'm not sure that I really believe in 'falling in love'. What does that mean anyway? Isn't it pretty much just hot, steamy lust? really is there anything passive about love? Love is a verb not a noun. You don't just fall into it. And what does a relationship based on lust give way to? Well, if the two people involved are committed to marriage, ultimately the relationship will likely progress to a long-term, enduring, warm, deep friendship. The intense, passionate feelings don't last. Intense passion is not the mark of love. And thus one who falls out of intense passion is not falling out of love but rather was probably never in love to begin with. Passion is selfish. It isn't about love at all. People don't fall out of love. Real love is not conditional. People who marry without realizing that love and passion are not the same thing have a hard lesson to learn. One that may very well end in divorce with each partner unsure of how or when they just weren't 'in love' anymore because really, they were never in love at all.
So what about people who don't fall in love? Is it possible for two people who share a warm friendship to come to the same place that people who are 'in love' do? Absolutely. I really do believe that two righteous individuals who share similar values can be and are just as happy as people who 'fall in love'.
My roommate asked me yesterday what three characteristics I want in my marriage. I replied that I want a marriage just like my parents'. The three attributes that I listed were: affectionate, mutually respectful, and fun. I think appropriate affection is important. I want a hand to hold. I want a kiss now and again in front of the kids. My grandpa used to say that the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. I believe that is true from my experiences in my family. Secondly, I want a relationship built on respect for each other. I want us to be able to believe and talk about opinions that are different from each other in a respectful manner. I want us to be able to help the other reach their fullest potential and achieve their dreams. Thirdly, I want to laugh. All the time.
Anyway, this post is really disjointed. And I really should probably get back to this take home test I'm avoiding :). Some day this whole relationship thing is going to work out. Until then I'm going to actively force thoughts about this kind of stuff out of my mind and focus on grad school. I've got lots to do. :)
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