So, I figured something out over the last week or so. It's actually kind of a no-brainer but lots of girls make the same mistake. I think I've figured out why I don't date and why I haven't had a boyfriend in ages. It's because boys don't like psycho girls... well not most of them anyway. Here's what I'm thinking: a boy shows interest in a certain girl, lets call her, I don't know, Jane. Jane thinks boy A is pretty cute. When they first start getting to know each other they flirt and it's fun. Both enjoy it. Soon Jane gets a little obsessed. She begins to analyze everything that boy A says, every look that he makes, everything he doesn't say. She talks about him ALL the time. She is completely consumed. She plans out things to say; she schemes up ways to get him to notice her; she tries to dress the way she thinks he likes; etc. And here's the whole problem: Jane completely changes herself around him. He can't get to know the real Jane because the contrived Jane, the one she invented to try to win the boy, is all he can see. Over the course of the next few months, Jane becomes almost completely psychotic. Eventually, she gets offended over little things. She over-reacts and is disappointed all the time. Not only is there never going to be a relationship of substance, she has jeapordized her whole friendship with boy A. He's really reserved around her. He has no idea why she gets so mad at him all the time. And what she fails to realize is that the whole reason she's hurt is her own fault. Because she's crazy. And normal boys generally don't like crazy girls. So here is what Jane must do:
1. Jane must stop analyzing every boy who shows remote interest or flirtation towards her. She should flirt and enjoy herself but not worry so much about it. If something develops, fantastic. If not, she will not only be okay, she will be happy as she learns to develop confidence in herself.
2. Any time Jane catches herself re-playing conversations over and over and thinking about what she should have said, Jane will repeat to herself, "No. I will not dwell on this." And then entertain more productive thoughts.
3. Jane must realize that she is a catch. When and, let's be honest, if she finds the right guy she wants him to love her for who she is and not for the perfect version of herself that she has formerly been trying to create. Jane may not be perfect but she is a faithful church member. She fulfills her callings. She is striving each day to be better than the day before. She is intelligent and hardworking. She is fun, loves to laugh, and is a great friend. Jane will remind herself of this fact daily because, being a girl (or maybe just being human), she is likely to forget.
The point of this whole plan is not, in actuality, for Jane to find her one true love. The purpose of the whole exercise is for Jane to be happy. If that happiness attracts someone great and if not, see rule one. Jane will be happy anyway.
So, yeah, those are my musings for the week. I'll let you know how it goes. It's working pretty well so far.
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