Getting under :)

So, Cassie informed me one day that the best way to get over a guy is to get under another one, a little crude but it seems to be a valid point. I feel a little bad for the new guy but it sure is a pleasant diversion. Yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I spent a ton of time with boy #1 on Monday and, as usual, was a wreck on Tuesday and into this morning. Then I went to school and cute boy #2 was so funny. He made me laugh and it made everything seem better. So just know, if you are a cute boy reading this, you have the potential to totally change the mood and outcome of a girl's day. It's a little sad how much control we let you have over us. But it's true. So there ya go.

The fences are down

Well, I don't think anyone is actually reading this, which is a little bit of a relief since it's just my random mutterings. I posted a few days ago that I was giving up on the chase but I really didn't. And here's the deal. Seven years ago I fell in love with a pretty great guy. We dated for awhile and I was stuck. We broke up and, being fickle teenagers, didn't talk for several months. When our friendship was rekindled I realized that I still had strong feelings for this boy. He happened to be dating a girl who had become one of my best friends. Obviously I couldn't tell him or her or anyone except my one best friend how I felt. So I kept it inside and I slowly began to build walls to keep the hurt out. So, all through high school and my first couple years of college I was safe; safe from feeling alone and rejected. Sure I had a few crushes during those years but I never let my guard down. I had the wonderful opportunity to serve a mission. That was really safe - lock your heart. Then I came home. I moved into a university ward and started school and work again. Because of an amazing mom who followed the Spirit, I ended up with the best roommate ever! She's my best friend and she immediately started working on the wall. I don't know how she did it but she got me to hope again. And then the inevitable happened. I didn't really mean to fall in love with him but I did. He was/is everything that I want and more than I deserve. For months I hoped and prayed that one day he would realize that the girl he was looking for was me. But, it didn't happen. So a few weeks ago I realized that I needed to move on. And I'm trying really hard but I don't know how to put the fence back up. I don't know if I even want to. But I hate feeling so vulnerable all the time. I'm just so tired of never being good enough. I know that I have flaws, many of them. I just wish that for once someone could look past all that and see who I'm trying to be. Well, this is long and rambling and I probably shouldn't post it but I'm going to anyway. Goodnight.

Stalking is my new pastime...

Last night was hilarious!!! To understand this story, you need a little architectural information. You see, my apartment has a little balcony with a sliding glass door. Our glass door looks directly into Reece, Brad, Steve, and David's apartment. So, last night Megan came over to have a piece of pie (yay, it's all gone!) and ended up staying and watching random youtube videos until about 11:30. As she was leaving she happened to glance out the window and see Reece doing the dishes with his blinds open, creating the fishbowl effect. We couldn't let this opportunity pass us by. So we each sent him a stalker-esque text (which were really hilarious but would take a whole nother entry to explain) and waited for him to receive them. Only, he didn't get them right away. At first we thought he didn't have his phone. We watched him do the dishes for about five more minutes (sorry, Reece, a little awkward, I know :) and were just about to give up when he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He was standing with his back turned to us reading his texts for what seemes like forever. All this time I was poised to pull shut the blinds when he turned. He finally turned, grinning, and looked out the window to see all three of us peering out at which point I quickly pulled the blinds shut. It was hilarious!!! It doesn't sound as funny as it actually was, but believe me, it was hilarious.

Truth

I sat in my advanced molecular biology class this morning listening to my professor lecture on the subtle complexities of transcription. And it was beautiful. It's amazing how an isolater can separate a promoter from an enhancer and allow transcription to be regulated for all possible situations. It's amazing also that an isolater prevents unwinding of heterochromatin, separating the transcribed region from the rest of the DNA. It's amazingly complex and yet so logical and beautiful at the same time. All these truthes are further evidence to me that there is a God and because he is so meticulously aware of the minutest details in the eukaryotic cell, He is also very conscious of me as an individual. I know that He cares, in part, because I understand biological concepts. Truly all things bear witness that there is a God.

No more boys...

So, I came to a conclusion as I sat in Sacrament meeting on Sunday. I decided that instead of spending my time worrying about relationships or the lack thereof, I need to be focusing on myself; my flaws, imperfections, and weaknesses. Well, maybe focusing is the wrong word. I need to work on me and not worry so much about everyone else. So, I decided to do that. And anyone who has been around me much the last couple of days will understand that my resolve has been tested immensely in the last three days. But I decided last night that I need to be more resolute. So, me and boys, for the moment, we're through. I mean sure, I'll hang out with you and be nice to you, but I am through with the chase. So, Mr. Right, if you're out there, you better do the chasing. Cause I'm refusing. I'm sick of it. I want to be chased for once. And that's all there is to it. So, in the interim, I'm going to focus on me, on making myself the best possible person I can be and not worry so much about my relationship status. In fact, I'm going to take it off Facebook right now. I'm feeling quite liberated.

Guitar troubles

So, I'm learning to play the guitar. And I love it. It's so fun! Except for the F chord. I think that it's appropriately named. It's so ridiculous. My hands aren't built that way people. I really suck at it. But I just keep trying and I think I'm getting better. I have a couple awesome friends that are helping me. My roommate, Cassie, told me that she thinks watching me learn to play is one of the funniest things she's ever seen. I do randomly yell at the guitar. And occasionally let out bursts of excited energy... I tend to be a bit random at times. And I really don't have filter... I pretty much say whatever comes to mind. That gets me in trouble sometimes. Hmm... this post is REALLY random. Sorry folks. Well, people, this is a really boring blog entry. Next time I'll write something provocative, I promise.